What NOT to say to your Dominant...
Author: Author Unknown
Filed in: humorPushing limits does not mean making Master so angry the vein above his right eye throbs.
"Quit it!" "Ow, damnit!" "I'm hiding that toy when you go to work tomorrow" and cursing a blue streak are not safe words.
"Oh my god, where did you get those, they are gorgeous!!!" is not considered boot worship.
"Ya want fries with that?", "Want me to drink it for you too?" are not appropriate remarks when Master gives you an elaborate drink order.
Flipping your dominant off while your hands are cuffed behind your back is a bad idea. Owners have ways of knowing these things.
Putting lube, goop, Superglue, ink or any other substance that will sully the hands of Master on his toys while setting up for a session is not a good idea.
Kicking that toy you hate far under the bed is futile. Master will only secure your wristcuffs to your anklecuffs and make you crawl for it... repeatedly.
"Bite me" is never an intelligent response to a command.
Doing your Beavis and Butthead imitation of "Fire, fire, fire, fire!" during Master's lecture on fireplay safety is considered rude.
Responding with "Yes, All Wise, All Knowing Grand Imperial Weenie" is not appropriate when Master asks you if you are comfortable during a bondage scene.
Asking to go to the bathroom every five minutes while Master practices his Japanese rope work on you will try his patience, quickly.
Crossing your eyes and sticking your tongue out while your dominant is discussing your punishment is not wise.
There is no such thing as slave immunity, free slave day, or the pms defense.
The slave jury might not convict you, but the Dom judge will override the verdict. Count on it.
Pretending Master's collection of buttplugs are toys and singing the "Weebles wobble but they won't fall down" song is not a good idea.
Repeatedly blowing out each candle Master lights during wax play will get you punished.
Checking Master's head for the 666 symbol after a harsh punishment will only get you more of the same, or worse.
"I know you are but what am I?" is not the appropriate response when called a raunchy little whore during humiliation play.
Using the spreader bars, paddles or canes for the fireplace is not a good plan.
"Missed me, missed me, now ya gotta kiss me" is an unacceptable remark when Master's flogger slips.
When Master pulls out his bullwhip and says he wants to play, he doesn't mean hide-and-seek...he will find you eventually.
Calling Merry Maids when you are ordered to spruce the place up is not what your dominant had in mind.
"Faster, faster, we need a new Master" is NOT the song to sing during a session.
"Oh, and you think I am?" is an unacceptable response to hearing your dominant say he is not pleased.
During a play party is not the time to do your hilarious imitation of Igor and hunch over, moaning "Yes, Master" when ordered to fetch something.
Adding "Sir" or "Master" to "Fuck that plan!" will not save you.
Singing the chorus of "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better" under your breath during a session is considered foolhardy.
Arguing whether "Master might not be right, but Master is never wrong" is Zen or Buddhist philosophy will only get you rewarded with kneeling in the corner on a bed of Legos "to help you consider the question in quiet contemplation."
Reciting nursery rhymes during an interrogation scene to crack your Owner up only lasts for so long. Then you will pay BIG.
Asking "Is that as HARD as you can hit??" is considered a cry for help amongst submissive suicide prevention workers.
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Comments
Cloud says:
as I read more of a smile appeared then a chuckle thank you.Posted on 04-21-2008
Morgan's baby boi says:
Daddy and i got a kick out of them.Posted on 04-28-2008
kittenskisses says:
after i had read those as humour , sure i giggled but i covered my mouth, what sub or slave would want to disrespect her Sir by irrattating Him, toying with Him just to get punished, or pushing buttons. perhaps the ones who do think its funny to do what was mentioned above under humour, should get thier collar removed and see if they still feel like laughing, unless the Sir wishes a brat as mentioned above the the saying goes for lifestyle and nilla * You make Your bed,Now Deal With It *Posted on 05-10-2008
Aria says:
These are hilarious. I've discovered recently that I am brat and I can't wait to try them out. I need to memorize a few of these. But fortunately for me my dominants like brat scenes. ;)
Posted on 05-25-2008
Eve says:
Omg i found these to be hysterical. I sent the link to my master so he could read them.Posted on 06-12-2008
petite1nz says:
Yes yes yes! Laughed myself silly!! Brats are the ones that will look at this and laugh hysterically. We do pay for our 'indiscretions' but they just happen sometimes. *still moving gingerly from last night's provocation*Posted on 06-25-2008
sophia says:
I'm forwarding the link to my Master. He enjoys a 'spirited' girl so I hope he will laugh as much as I did.**Edited by Administration
Posted on 07-11-2008
Amy says:
These were hiLARious!!! Thank you! xoAmy
PS Kittenkisses, the expression is "You made your bed, now lie in it."
Posted on 07-12-2008
kittenone says:
started to read them and has to send Master the link, they are so funny, thank you for making my day brighter
>^..^<
Posted on 08-05-2008
Angel says:
I found a lot of that stuff funny, though i know better than to do any of it...Posted on 04-13-2009
lovely says:
OMG ! * wipes her eyes * "do You want fries with that MAster?" !!!! i am dying here and i WISH i had the nerve! lolPosted on 07-25-2009
lttle_shavaghn says:
"Yes, All Wise, All Knowing Grand Imperial Weenie" omg i laughed so hard i couldn't breath. i can't wait to show Daddy.Posted on 08-06-2009
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Matthew says:
That is all very true. Some slaves do not understand the meaning of becoming one, and do not understand the word "domination", as well as "Discipline". There are a lot of women, as well as men, that need to think before getting into this lifestyle.